I Wrote Everyday for 21 Days
I started seeing a psychologist because I have sticky, unhelpful thoughts. I’d invent worst case scenarios, and they’d replay in my mind over and over like a rabid hamster running on its wheel. After seeing my family doctor and speaking with my therapist, I was told that I have mild to moderate anxiety. My doctor hasn’t prescribed any medication, nor has my therapist suggested it. Both professionals want me to work through more counseling to see if cognitive behavioral therapy can help produce balanced perspectives when I have sticky, unhelpful thoughts.
There is a history of anxiety in my family. Some family members have pronounced indicators of moderate to high anxiety, but remain undiagnosed, while others have a clinical diagnosis and a prescription. When I was told that I have anxiety, so much mental confusion I carried throughout my life started to make sense. My impulsive reactions and moments of high emotionality were the result of un-checked anxiety. I had a cascade of epiphanies like fireworks on the Fourth of July.
My therapist is guiding me through cognitive behavioral therapy for my sticky, unhelpful thoughts. I use writing and a Thought Record Sheet to retrain my brain. When I fill in the Sheet with my responses, I learn new outcomes. Then the unhelpful thought becomes unstuck — leaving my mind.
Sometimes I don’t immediately realize that I’m having a sticky, unhelpful thought. So I don’t think to fill in a Thought Record Sheet (even though I keep a blank Sheet on my desk). I needed to disentangle all my thoughts to recognize and address the unhelpful ones.
I’ve told my therapist that I’ve started writing every morning before I do anything else, and that I want to continue to write everyday. I find it helpful. It’s been mutually agreed that writing and the Thought Record Sheet will set me on a corrective course for better outcomes with my thinking. My therapist also said that it takes 21 days to form a new habit.
It was difficult to form the habit, because writing wasn’t my priority. I kept myself from writing by doing things like unloading the dishwasher or mowing the lawn.
I recognize that I want to prioritize writing, and I want writing to be more than a habit — I want writing to be my lifestyle.
It takes 21 days to develop a habit, writes blogger Robert Martin, and an additional 90 days for it to be a lasting lifestyle change — the 21/90 rule.
However, 21 days to form a habit is a considerable underestimation, notes psychologist Jeremy Dean. He says that forming a habit takes 66 days, but that also depends on habit. Simpler habits “plateau in automaticity” sooner than complex habits. Dean doesn’t say how long after 66 days it takes for the habit to be a lasting lifestyle change.
If I accept the 21/90 rule for developing a simple habit into a lasting lifestyle change, then it would take an additional 283 days (after the first 66) to form a lasting complex lifestyle change. Just a couple weeks short of an entire year.
I’m not sure if the habit of writing everyday is considered simple or complex. Composing 500 words every morning is simpler than 3200 words. Regardless, changing a habit is hard, writes Oliver Burkeman.
For me, writing every morning isn’t automatic. I haven’t formed the habit after 21 days. The next goal is to write for 66 days and reassess.
Writing won’t immunize my mind from sticky, unhelpful thoughts. My anxiety, to some degree, will persist. My hope is that my anxious thinking will be less salient as I strive to make a lasting lifestyle change.
